A Womanist Mommi's POV

Let's be real, the primary concerns of the average black woman are not that
closely aligned with those of white women.

Black mothers fear for their sons who, if current statistics prove true, have a higher chance of ending up in jail than in college -- or of being victims of violence.

Black mothers wonder if their daughters will marry or have children, now that black women have the lowest marriage rates in the country and, if they are professional
black women, also the lowest birth rates.

Black men have the highest level of unemployment in the country.

And black women are contracting HIV at unprecedented rates.

With so many pressing issues bearing down on our communities, is it any wonder why gender has yet to trump race?

Marjorie Valbrun wrote these words in her article for http://www.theroot.com/ in regards to the Hillary/Barack competition for the Democratic nomination for President.

I couldn't have said it better myself. A resounding "Amen" I heard in my head as I read this article. It's the same resounding "Amen" I heard in my head when I read the Alice Walker definition of womanist (womanism) in regards to a black woman's feminism. It's the same amen I heard in my head when I read Nat Irvin's definition of Thrivals. It's the same resounding Amen I hear in my heart when I see the "Yes We Can" video. It's the same resounding Amen I hear to the beat of Jill Scott's "I Keep" or Common's "Be."

Those Amen's and How do I's go hand in hand in my life. How do I balance my income to live within my means, save, create generational wealth, and be philanthropic now? How do I raise my children to be multicultural, yet hold on to important cultural specific traditions? How do I walk my own journey of growth, while teaching them growth? How do I balance a career and entrepreneurial pursuit. How do I remain hopeful in the face of hopelessness? How do I continue to live and love with an open heart and protect myself, my children from the heartbreaks of life?

I can truly say that the differences of my experience as a Black mother are rooted in my conscious way of life. I am conscious that the choices I make for myself and my family affect the larger Black community. So those choices are made with a little more thought.

I can't say that I make all of the right decisions. But, I can say that there is thought - sometimes too much - in every decision that I make. And, all I can pray is that the good decisions affect all of the Black Mommi's, fathers, children and families in a way that elevates a people.

This Woman's Work!

India.Arie's Acoustic Soul plays in the background as I type this entry. Her soundtrack reminds me "why I do it all." Not that I feel that I am doing any of it well because of all that I choose to do as a - mother, wife in a struggling marriage, daughter, role model, transitional woman . However, I come to you today with a renewed sense of vision and purpose for my life's work - Being Family media.


I started this blog with the intention of creating a space to share my thoughts, feelings, ambitions, frustrations as an african american woman and mother. Giving voice to my specifics, I hoped would inspire others to take a clsoer into their own and ultimately create the beginnings of a universal voice told for the women living it, by the women living it. And, although it's been difficult to do this through all that goes on, I am committed to it.


This Saturday morning, I sit in my bed writing, while my two little ones take in some TV and my husband does whatever his Saturday morning calls him to do.


I am able to get today's entry done because I have said no to taking the kids to see Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. But, not before I checked the movie times to see if we could squeeze it in before Gabbi's 2p basketball game. Believe me, negotiation were fierce between me and a determined 8 1/2 year old.


"Gabbi, the movie startst a 12:20. We won't be able to make it to the game on time."
"Well can we go tomorrow?"
"No, we can't go tomorrow because we have the Peace Celebration (a annual school program honoring the idea of peace - big and small) at 3p and that's too much to do in one day."
"Well can we go next weekend?"
"Yes."
"Can Jarrid and Laci (my niece and nephew) come with us?"
"I don't know about that." (I'm thinking: I don't even want to begin thinking about the logistics involved - the 45 minute drive - and energy involved to host a sleep over).



She's not completely ready to let it go. But she sees that I am standing my ground and backs off.

The negotiation was so worth it though. My weekend can now include the me time that was intended when I started planning it last weekend amidst the overcommitted family time of the past two weekends. I can finally enjoy "my" weekend, which will consist of an entrepreneur meeting after the 2p basketball game. Then some solitude time - provided by daddy-duty to keep them occupied to bedtime and through tomorrow morning. We'll all go to the Peace Celebration - if Daddy doesn't find a reason to back out. And, then onto the Sunday evening befroe the work week grind.


One could look at that my weekend actvity list and see that there is still quite packed. But, there is a difference in this schedule and the one it could have been. There is actually time that's not all about everyone but me.



This new resolve for my time is important to find fulfillment in this woman's work.

I challenge you to do a little rearranging this week too. See how much you can move out of the way to find time do do whatever you want.


Maybe then we can all find time to formulate thoughts and opnions on the many things - world issues and community issues, recession, politics - happening around us, affecting us. But, we don't have to to affect them.


Let's take time to plug in, weigh in, be in.


Can I get a witness?

Some Me Time, Not Some You and Some Me and Some We Time!

Hi All,

Today's entry is from Candace Greene.

I have recruited a group of women writers that have the same passion for Being Family that I do. And as I work toward the long-term vision that I believe has been given to me by God, I put force a collective voice to share the beauty of African American parenting and family life that encompasses the blessings passed by our parents and passed on to the generations of parents that come behind us.

Enjoy Candace's entry this week. And, I will continue to do my best to get our voice heard between laundry, doctor's appointments, hair appointments, work and all the other demands of a mother's life and a family's time.

Can I get a witness!

Rochelle

_______________________________________________

I got a pedicure today. My intention was to go to Lowes, purchase some potted plants for my front porch, then go pick up my eldest son Sakari from daycare. But when I saw that nail place, I instantly turned the wheel, drove into the parking lot, and received one of the best foot massages ever!

It had been over a year since I’d gotten a pedicure. That time it was a Mother’s Day gift from my husband Derrick, and I went hesitantly mainly because I thought I had no business doing anything for myself after having a child. It’s funny how beliefs change, especially after having another baby. As a mother of one child, I never took time for myself. My schedule revolved around Sakari’s feedings and naptimes, and I rarely deviated from it. I was uptight and downright depressed!

It wasn’t until I flew with Sakari to visit my family in Nashville that I realized how much pressure I had placed on myself. I was there ten days, but split my time between my brother and sister-in-law’s house before moving on to stay with my mother in her new condo. My brother and sister-in-law have two sons, now 11 and 6. I consider them pros in the parenting game.

Sakari’s routines were broken while we were in Nashville. The child who, at home in Baltimore, slept like clockwork, was now too excited about spending time with his cousins to nap. On my third day there, my brother suggested I go with the family to the park. I told him no and tried to explain that I did not think we would be back in time for Sakari’s scheduled bedtime. Before I could finish, my brother interrupted me and said, “Can Can, lighten up! Let Sakari run around. He’s 18-months-old. He won’t melt if he misses bedtime by half an hour!” My sister-in-law gave me a one-arm hug and said, “He’s right because girl, you are wound as tight as a wristwatch!” They laughed and slapped hands, while I burst into tears. I didn’t realize parenting could be fun.

Fast forward one year, and one new baby later, and you’ll find me trying to find
ways to “lighten up.” I finally acknowledged the fact that Sakari needed to be in a
setting with other children, and that I needed a break from our day-to-day
routine.

So, my husband and I found a wonderful holistic daycare where he’s been able not only to learn at a fast pace, but also develop his social skills. I was offered a part-time job two months after my second child Amani was born, and I accepted it because I knew from experience that staying home 24/7 was not a healthy proposition for me. I needed to get out of the house, to be around people, to be able to talk about other things besides the color of my newborn’s poop. I joined a small health club to start working on losing the baby weight. I’ve accepted various freelance writing opportunities, and I’ve become more active at church. I am busy enough now not to fall into the depressive state that engulfed me after Sakari was born, but not so busy that I don’t have time for my husband and children. Everyday is not perfect, but I know, when I lay my head down at night, that doing for me makes me feel calm, more peaceful, and that peace spreads over my family.

Take yourself out on a date today and treat you to lunch, window-shopping in the mall, or a trip to the spa. And, as you’re enjoying yourself, squash that voice in your head that tries to make you feel guilty for doing something for yourself. Remember, you deserve a treat now and then. You will be better for it, and your family will appreciate a calmer, more relaxed YOU.

Until next time….
Candance

As a Mommi, It's Good to Have Days Like This

I begin to write this entry from beautiful Great Diamond Island, Maine. I am on a long girl's vacation weekend (Thursday - Monday) with my two best friends from college. I also brought my daughter with me since I figured she wouldn't be too much work, she's 8 going on 38. I left my son in the care of granny and daddy for the weekend.

The hardest part of the trip thus far has been packing and airport logistics.

Packing is a 3 day affair. I know you all think that I'm exxagerating. But, you will understand in the next two sentences. Day 1: Wash all of the clothes that have been piling up to assure the best wardrobe selection for yourself and the kids. Day 2: Fold and pack the best wardrobe selection for yourself and the traveling child. Day 3: Assemble your non-traveling child's wardrobe; pack it if he's going somewhere; or, coordinate matching outfits and leave in a place for daddy with instructions if you want him to look like something while you're away. The second thing you do on day 3 is put all those beautifully washed and dried clothes in clothes, not used for packing, in a basket to be folded and put away for a Day 4 to happen when you return from vacation. Yeah, you should have laundry done since you do it on the regular schedule you keep for yourself. Yeah, right?

Once you get that done you have to do the dropping off of the non-traveling child and get you and the traveling child to the airport on time and make the flight (a challenge in Atlanta where our security clearance line added an hour to our pre-flight check-in). Needless to say me and said traveling child missed the flight and had to have another another leg added to our previous two-leg trip to make it to Maine and catch the ferry to the island on time and night have to psend a night in a hotel, since I certianly don't have that allotted in my meager budget.

But, once I got past all of that and reached this place of beauty and natural wonder, I got to a place of beauty and wonder within myself. The long weekend turned out to be what my mind, body, and spirit needed. It helped me think through my personal dreams and ambitions; I was able to spend valuable quality time with my soon to be eight year - old daughter; and I also got some girl power that can only come when you spend real time with longtime girlfriends that know you from the core. My college friends, Tonya and Tish, always remind me who I am - the good and the bad. These women are key in pushing me to be the best I can be. Both strong and beautiful and very accomplished in their own right, tell me like I need it to be told, whether I want to hear it or not. They also let me know that I am not the only one that has some advice to give. I can't thank them enough for enriching my life for so many years.

I continue to write this entry in my home office reflecting on the blessings of the Maine trip.

All in all this trip allowed me the space to "be," - a rarity in life of everyone's schedule, including my own. And that space has given me clarity in terms of my role as a woman, wife, mother, magazine entrepreneur and marketing professional. I might be headed to grad school soon on a leap of faith, prayer and favor. There are many obstacles - finances, family, moving, the GRE and GMAT. But, I believe this will be the thing to help launch this magazine right. So, I am researching my options. I'll keep you in the loop on the way.

You'll be hearing more about my clarity, I am sure, in the coming weeks.

In the meantime, I want to thank Tonya for financing this trip. I am the poor girlfriend now, with no steady oncome. So, it's good to have your girls help take care of the "real you." I also want to thank Tish for your generous and loving spirit. You are the midlle of the yen and yang that Tonya and I are and I can't imagine the beauty of our friendship without you. Thank you both for this friendship and all that we've shared - as college women finding our way and now woman to woman. And, I ant to give glory and honor to God for making it all possible.

I invite you to share with me a time and place when you got to "Be;" and what it did for your life.

Can I get a witness?
beingfamilyeditors@yahoo.com