A Mama's Dedication to the Everyday Dad

There are several dads that I have watched in my everyday life. Two of which are pictured left. However, none are mentioned in any of the Father's Day readings that I have perused over the past month leading up to this day of thanks for fathers.

So, I want to send a special shout to you all for everything you do, everyday, as a father. I want you all to know that this mother sees you and appreciates you for the joy you bring to my life as I watch you give to your children and mine.

The first man I watched on an everyday basis was my stepfather Johnny E. Sibley - daddy. The beauty of this man is that he married my mother more than 29 years ago with two children (one of which was me) who also had the responsibility of four younger sisters and brothers (my grandmother had died leaving my mother's siblings in her care).

My stepfather went on to raise my mother's siblings, myself and my older sister as well as father my younger sister with mother. And he did all of this while providing for his two children from a previous marriage.

Now, I know you are all acknowledging how amazing this is, especially in the mid-seventies - an era when men seemed to be abandoning the responsibility of fatherhood in light of all the pressure and lack of opportunity. But, more than the beauty of the idea of a man, my dad is that he showed "his girls" what a man is and how a man is supposed to treat his family by being there and living the example.

This truck driver helped me, as a girl child, avoid the pitfalls of looking for love from any man or searching for a father in a relationship because I had one all along. His memory is also helping me heal the wounds of abandonment I feel as a woman who has realized the hole in my heart resulting from the lack of connection with my biological father. The reality is that Johnny's fatherhood example has informed many areas of my life - most good and some bad. But, for all that he was (he passed in 2003 of colon cancer) and is to me, I thank you daddy. He is a true example of a father's covering.

The second man I watch on a daily basis as a father is my husband. He hates when I talk about him too much in public because he is so private. But, I have to celebrate him for all that he is. He is the provider and covering that I prayed for in a husband to take over where my father left off in my life. He will also be that and so such more for our children.

My children will feel the bond of father and child that I longed for. They will have what I've seen with daddy and my younger sister. They will not have the hole of disconnection that I struggle to heal. My daughter will remember their father-daughter dates. My son will remember father-son time, all with their biological father who honors and enjoys the responsibility bestowed upon him by God. We all will remember soccer Saturdays, Miami trips, Disneyworld, fixing things around the house and all of the other little and big things he does everyday.

And no matter how much he and I struggle in the husband and wife department, I will forever be grateful that he chooses our children as they choose him.

And to Darrel and Kota - two of the other fathers I watch in their everyday daddy lives - thanks for the haircuts, barbershop runs, hugs and "what's wrong, buddy's" for Jonathan; the encouragement, little pushes, discipline when needed, the ice cream trips and double family movie dates. You both are the uncles my kids never had, since I only have sisters. You're the daddy back-up when daddy's not there yet; or, when me and the kids are at your house - Darrel says I'm like furniture, a fixture at his house; sometimes I'm there more than he is :)

You both continue to inspire me as examples of what fathers are - the bear hugs, the firm tone and the soft touch - all in balance.

And you do it all while acknowledging your wives mommihood as being important. You do it all while letting her know that you appreciate and love her for all of the hard work she does. You smile at her. You hug her. You take her on trips, just to let her know that you see her in all of her glory.

All of these men do their daddy-duty and make me proud. I am proud to be surrounded by "real men." Men not caught up in the idea of what fatherhood is. but, men that are about the action of fatherhood, everyday. And, in doing daddy-duty, they are doing their men-duty. They are examples of the men that are covering their children, their children's children and their children's, children's children as things were meant to be.

I thank each of you for that. I thank you for being married and not just being a "baby's daddy." I thank you for staying focused on your family - contrary to popular culture. I thank you for standing against cycle of divorce in our community. I thank you for not leaving our girls searching for a man's love in all the wrong places; for not leaving our boys without men role models, for not leaving mothers working too hard to be mommi and daddy; for not leaving women carrying the financial burden alone.

This is not to say that I don't see these men for all that they are. They all definitely have flaws. They get on my nerves and their wives nerves sometimes. But, even as they work through their personal issues and flaws, they create a foundation for fatherhood that I am glad to have for my children and for myself.

And finally, to all of the everyday dads out there. I want you to know that we see you; we honor you; we thank you. And, your cheerleaders hope this blog entry serves as the memo to the world that acknowledges and honors you for the work that you do as the everyday father. We are here to let the world know that fatherhood isn't about celebrity, money in your bank account or having it all together. We stand to tell the world that you understand that Fatherhood is about doing your part in the "being family" equation.

And you're doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well!

Mommi's can I get a witness?

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