Some Me Time, Not Some You and Some Me and Some We Time!

Hi All,

Today's entry is from Candace Greene.

I have recruited a group of women writers that have the same passion for Being Family that I do. And as I work toward the long-term vision that I believe has been given to me by God, I put force a collective voice to share the beauty of African American parenting and family life that encompasses the blessings passed by our parents and passed on to the generations of parents that come behind us.

Enjoy Candace's entry this week. And, I will continue to do my best to get our voice heard between laundry, doctor's appointments, hair appointments, work and all the other demands of a mother's life and a family's time.

Can I get a witness!

Rochelle

_______________________________________________

I got a pedicure today. My intention was to go to Lowes, purchase some potted plants for my front porch, then go pick up my eldest son Sakari from daycare. But when I saw that nail place, I instantly turned the wheel, drove into the parking lot, and received one of the best foot massages ever!

It had been over a year since I’d gotten a pedicure. That time it was a Mother’s Day gift from my husband Derrick, and I went hesitantly mainly because I thought I had no business doing anything for myself after having a child. It’s funny how beliefs change, especially after having another baby. As a mother of one child, I never took time for myself. My schedule revolved around Sakari’s feedings and naptimes, and I rarely deviated from it. I was uptight and downright depressed!

It wasn’t until I flew with Sakari to visit my family in Nashville that I realized how much pressure I had placed on myself. I was there ten days, but split my time between my brother and sister-in-law’s house before moving on to stay with my mother in her new condo. My brother and sister-in-law have two sons, now 11 and 6. I consider them pros in the parenting game.

Sakari’s routines were broken while we were in Nashville. The child who, at home in Baltimore, slept like clockwork, was now too excited about spending time with his cousins to nap. On my third day there, my brother suggested I go with the family to the park. I told him no and tried to explain that I did not think we would be back in time for Sakari’s scheduled bedtime. Before I could finish, my brother interrupted me and said, “Can Can, lighten up! Let Sakari run around. He’s 18-months-old. He won’t melt if he misses bedtime by half an hour!” My sister-in-law gave me a one-arm hug and said, “He’s right because girl, you are wound as tight as a wristwatch!” They laughed and slapped hands, while I burst into tears. I didn’t realize parenting could be fun.

Fast forward one year, and one new baby later, and you’ll find me trying to find
ways to “lighten up.” I finally acknowledged the fact that Sakari needed to be in a
setting with other children, and that I needed a break from our day-to-day
routine.

So, my husband and I found a wonderful holistic daycare where he’s been able not only to learn at a fast pace, but also develop his social skills. I was offered a part-time job two months after my second child Amani was born, and I accepted it because I knew from experience that staying home 24/7 was not a healthy proposition for me. I needed to get out of the house, to be around people, to be able to talk about other things besides the color of my newborn’s poop. I joined a small health club to start working on losing the baby weight. I’ve accepted various freelance writing opportunities, and I’ve become more active at church. I am busy enough now not to fall into the depressive state that engulfed me after Sakari was born, but not so busy that I don’t have time for my husband and children. Everyday is not perfect, but I know, when I lay my head down at night, that doing for me makes me feel calm, more peaceful, and that peace spreads over my family.

Take yourself out on a date today and treat you to lunch, window-shopping in the mall, or a trip to the spa. And, as you’re enjoying yourself, squash that voice in your head that tries to make you feel guilty for doing something for yourself. Remember, you deserve a treat now and then. You will be better for it, and your family will appreciate a calmer, more relaxed YOU.

Until next time….
Candance

As a Mommi, It's Good to Have Days Like This

I begin to write this entry from beautiful Great Diamond Island, Maine. I am on a long girl's vacation weekend (Thursday - Monday) with my two best friends from college. I also brought my daughter with me since I figured she wouldn't be too much work, she's 8 going on 38. I left my son in the care of granny and daddy for the weekend.

The hardest part of the trip thus far has been packing and airport logistics.

Packing is a 3 day affair. I know you all think that I'm exxagerating. But, you will understand in the next two sentences. Day 1: Wash all of the clothes that have been piling up to assure the best wardrobe selection for yourself and the kids. Day 2: Fold and pack the best wardrobe selection for yourself and the traveling child. Day 3: Assemble your non-traveling child's wardrobe; pack it if he's going somewhere; or, coordinate matching outfits and leave in a place for daddy with instructions if you want him to look like something while you're away. The second thing you do on day 3 is put all those beautifully washed and dried clothes in clothes, not used for packing, in a basket to be folded and put away for a Day 4 to happen when you return from vacation. Yeah, you should have laundry done since you do it on the regular schedule you keep for yourself. Yeah, right?

Once you get that done you have to do the dropping off of the non-traveling child and get you and the traveling child to the airport on time and make the flight (a challenge in Atlanta where our security clearance line added an hour to our pre-flight check-in). Needless to say me and said traveling child missed the flight and had to have another another leg added to our previous two-leg trip to make it to Maine and catch the ferry to the island on time and night have to psend a night in a hotel, since I certianly don't have that allotted in my meager budget.

But, once I got past all of that and reached this place of beauty and natural wonder, I got to a place of beauty and wonder within myself. The long weekend turned out to be what my mind, body, and spirit needed. It helped me think through my personal dreams and ambitions; I was able to spend valuable quality time with my soon to be eight year - old daughter; and I also got some girl power that can only come when you spend real time with longtime girlfriends that know you from the core. My college friends, Tonya and Tish, always remind me who I am - the good and the bad. These women are key in pushing me to be the best I can be. Both strong and beautiful and very accomplished in their own right, tell me like I need it to be told, whether I want to hear it or not. They also let me know that I am not the only one that has some advice to give. I can't thank them enough for enriching my life for so many years.

I continue to write this entry in my home office reflecting on the blessings of the Maine trip.

All in all this trip allowed me the space to "be," - a rarity in life of everyone's schedule, including my own. And that space has given me clarity in terms of my role as a woman, wife, mother, magazine entrepreneur and marketing professional. I might be headed to grad school soon on a leap of faith, prayer and favor. There are many obstacles - finances, family, moving, the GRE and GMAT. But, I believe this will be the thing to help launch this magazine right. So, I am researching my options. I'll keep you in the loop on the way.

You'll be hearing more about my clarity, I am sure, in the coming weeks.

In the meantime, I want to thank Tonya for financing this trip. I am the poor girlfriend now, with no steady oncome. So, it's good to have your girls help take care of the "real you." I also want to thank Tish for your generous and loving spirit. You are the midlle of the yen and yang that Tonya and I are and I can't imagine the beauty of our friendship without you. Thank you both for this friendship and all that we've shared - as college women finding our way and now woman to woman. And, I ant to give glory and honor to God for making it all possible.

I invite you to share with me a time and place when you got to "Be;" and what it did for your life.

Can I get a witness?
beingfamilyeditors@yahoo.com

A Mama's Dedication to the Everyday Dad

There are several dads that I have watched in my everyday life. Two of which are pictured left. However, none are mentioned in any of the Father's Day readings that I have perused over the past month leading up to this day of thanks for fathers.

So, I want to send a special shout to you all for everything you do, everyday, as a father. I want you all to know that this mother sees you and appreciates you for the joy you bring to my life as I watch you give to your children and mine.

The first man I watched on an everyday basis was my stepfather Johnny E. Sibley - daddy. The beauty of this man is that he married my mother more than 29 years ago with two children (one of which was me) who also had the responsibility of four younger sisters and brothers (my grandmother had died leaving my mother's siblings in her care).

My stepfather went on to raise my mother's siblings, myself and my older sister as well as father my younger sister with mother. And he did all of this while providing for his two children from a previous marriage.

Now, I know you are all acknowledging how amazing this is, especially in the mid-seventies - an era when men seemed to be abandoning the responsibility of fatherhood in light of all the pressure and lack of opportunity. But, more than the beauty of the idea of a man, my dad is that he showed "his girls" what a man is and how a man is supposed to treat his family by being there and living the example.

This truck driver helped me, as a girl child, avoid the pitfalls of looking for love from any man or searching for a father in a relationship because I had one all along. His memory is also helping me heal the wounds of abandonment I feel as a woman who has realized the hole in my heart resulting from the lack of connection with my biological father. The reality is that Johnny's fatherhood example has informed many areas of my life - most good and some bad. But, for all that he was (he passed in 2003 of colon cancer) and is to me, I thank you daddy. He is a true example of a father's covering.

The second man I watch on a daily basis as a father is my husband. He hates when I talk about him too much in public because he is so private. But, I have to celebrate him for all that he is. He is the provider and covering that I prayed for in a husband to take over where my father left off in my life. He will also be that and so such more for our children.

My children will feel the bond of father and child that I longed for. They will have what I've seen with daddy and my younger sister. They will not have the hole of disconnection that I struggle to heal. My daughter will remember their father-daughter dates. My son will remember father-son time, all with their biological father who honors and enjoys the responsibility bestowed upon him by God. We all will remember soccer Saturdays, Miami trips, Disneyworld, fixing things around the house and all of the other little and big things he does everyday.

And no matter how much he and I struggle in the husband and wife department, I will forever be grateful that he chooses our children as they choose him.

And to Darrel and Kota - two of the other fathers I watch in their everyday daddy lives - thanks for the haircuts, barbershop runs, hugs and "what's wrong, buddy's" for Jonathan; the encouragement, little pushes, discipline when needed, the ice cream trips and double family movie dates. You both are the uncles my kids never had, since I only have sisters. You're the daddy back-up when daddy's not there yet; or, when me and the kids are at your house - Darrel says I'm like furniture, a fixture at his house; sometimes I'm there more than he is :)

You both continue to inspire me as examples of what fathers are - the bear hugs, the firm tone and the soft touch - all in balance.

And you do it all while acknowledging your wives mommihood as being important. You do it all while letting her know that you appreciate and love her for all of the hard work she does. You smile at her. You hug her. You take her on trips, just to let her know that you see her in all of her glory.

All of these men do their daddy-duty and make me proud. I am proud to be surrounded by "real men." Men not caught up in the idea of what fatherhood is. but, men that are about the action of fatherhood, everyday. And, in doing daddy-duty, they are doing their men-duty. They are examples of the men that are covering their children, their children's children and their children's, children's children as things were meant to be.

I thank each of you for that. I thank you for being married and not just being a "baby's daddy." I thank you for staying focused on your family - contrary to popular culture. I thank you for standing against cycle of divorce in our community. I thank you for not leaving our girls searching for a man's love in all the wrong places; for not leaving our boys without men role models, for not leaving mothers working too hard to be mommi and daddy; for not leaving women carrying the financial burden alone.

This is not to say that I don't see these men for all that they are. They all definitely have flaws. They get on my nerves and their wives nerves sometimes. But, even as they work through their personal issues and flaws, they create a foundation for fatherhood that I am glad to have for my children and for myself.

And finally, to all of the everyday dads out there. I want you to know that we see you; we honor you; we thank you. And, your cheerleaders hope this blog entry serves as the memo to the world that acknowledges and honors you for the work that you do as the everyday father. We are here to let the world know that fatherhood isn't about celebrity, money in your bank account or having it all together. We stand to tell the world that you understand that Fatherhood is about doing your part in the "being family" equation.

And you're doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well!

Mommi's can I get a witness?

Acknowledge "the memo" by commenting - click on the envelope below. Or email us at beingfamiyeditors@yahoo.com

Summertime - And Living is Anything But Easy?

As I sit down to write this blog, I can't believe a month has gone by since my last entry. I think to myself, my lack of writing is not due to a lack of something to say. It's more of an issue to find the time to sit down and write what's on my mind.

It's like the picture that I have chosen to feature of my son and his friend. I can remember when they were not able to hold their heads up; and, me and my friend Brenda were sleep deprived, cranky and so emotional we we had no control over when our next cry would be or what it would be about (that last part about the crying was just me, not Brenda).

But now, the boys are 3 and almost 4; giving their sisters a run for their money and have needs f their own that they are not afraid to let you know about.

"Mommi, I don't want to watch her show! I want to watch my show," my son tells me.

When did his show and her show become different? Nickelodeon, Disney, HBO Family, Sprout and Noggin are interchangeable, aren't they?

Apparently not.

Well that synopsis sums up my life over the past week, month, year - the evolution of my children's lives, my life, my marriage, my family life. They all change in the blink of an eye; and I wonder where the time has gone.

With so much change happening all the time, it would be easy to
glaze over it all and chalk it up to the memories of life with little
acknowledgement to the details. But,taking the time to do the details is where the love is. So, I will offer some details of the past month.

Working and Not - My part time contract position as an adverting executive helped me climb out of the financial hole I was in to finish paying tuition for the 2006-2007 school year - thank God. It also ended as quickly as it started with a (supposed) two week hiatus. Let's hope I start back soon. If they don't call me back within the two weeks, I guess I have to start really working toward plan B. I need the steady income of a job to take care of my responsibilities in the house as well as fund the magazine until it can fund itself. So, if you are in Atlanta and know of some work for me, let me know.

Simultaneously, I am working on the many aspects of the magazine launch - advertising, directing writers, writing myself and so much more that if I name them I will get tired
and overwhelmed.

Vacationing - We (my mom, my younger sister, my niece, my children and myself - my husband opted out) took a trip to my hometown, New Orleans, and my mother's hometown, New Roads, Louisiana over Memorial weekend. It was a blast to introduce my children to beignets, sno-balls and the French Market - my native food, my people and culture. We got to spend time with
Ta-Na, Nanny, Auntie Dee, Auntie Edna, Uncle Louis, Angie and Olivia - the family we
don't get to see in our everyday lives in Atlanta. The people that talk a little
different. Do a little different. The family/village that always have a big smile, big hug and big meal prepared especially to show their love.

Living - In between all of that there was the Girls Scout Brownie Awards Ceremony, end of Spring Soccer and the party; daddy giving me my one day off a month for some "me time;" the chorus concert; my son's three year old birthday and the two parties; Mother's Day; other people's birthday parties; laundry that had to be done, broken dryer or not; the school year
ending; summer beginning; and, my girlfriend since junior-high visiting from Dallas, TX.

Some time was also devoted to my husband and I finding little ways to take care of each other - him finding time to take care of the yard and fix the dryer, even with his busy
schedule. And, me offering, unexpectedly, to prepare him something to eat on-the-go as he headed to a weekend appointment.

For us it's not always about lovemaking that shows the other we care. It's the little things that let's the other know that we want to do our part to make the other's life easier. It's what we need in this fragile part of our marriage.

Working Some More - I have also been working for you - the Being Family Magazine audience/family - to make sure that our launch will be more than some print on paper. I am working out the details for three major things that will benefit all involved. First,
the Being Family Magazine Photo Contest. The contest will award prize money toward an education fund for the child(ren) of the winning families. Second, is the Being Family Magazine 2008 Calendar. The Calendar will feature the winning family photos and what "being family"
means throughout the year. An added benefit to this project is that part of the
profit will be awarded to non-profits the Being Family audience chooses and to
honor 12 teachers that are blessing our children in the classroom. The final project is the Being Family. Being Seen. Being Heard. '08 Family Resource Tour. This 7-city tour will bring the
resources, information, celebration and inspiration we need to support us in our
everyday work of being family despite what the media portrays of Black family
life.

So look for more information on all of these projects.

And, let me know what you think about this entry or share what's going
on in your busy life that contributes to your story of "being family."

Write us at beingfamilyeditors@yahoo.com or comment on the blog by clicking the little envelope below!

Can I get a witness?

Black Mommi Seeking Other Mommies Like Me - In the Pages, Online and In the World

You all should know by now that this magazine has been in the works for almost three years. It started as the result of a business relationship with another mom I met in my marketing consulting class for small business owners (I think I've mentioned that my professional background is an advertising executive and small business marketing consultant. Yes, I digress again!).

Anyway, Gwen had enrolled in my class to get ideas about marketing her regional parenting publication. Then, about two years later I called her to talk about writing for her magazine; or, finding out how to start a magazine to fulfill this need, this pull, I had to start writing about my experience in this place, this space, that was so different for me from what I had known to be my life not that long ago. This place of confusion in my life. I wanted to write out my feelings to help me sort out the disconnect from who I am now with who I was not so long ago - my former life and my now life.

The former life included lots of free time - too much at times - overflow of cash reserves, the that understood 'me first time' and still had so much left over to give others. The me that was the aunt who always had something to give - money and time. I could take my sister's children - all three of them - for the weekend once a month and treat them to the good life. Me and my roommate - who was also my cousin - were a big hit in Cracker Barrel on those Sunday mornings when other moms or grandmoms found out we were taking care of kids that weren't ours, giving a mom a break.

I was the daughter at Mama's every weekend. I was the niece that visited Auntie Marion regularly. I was the single woman that didn't date much and indulged in reading, trips to New Orleans - my home town. I was active on Notre Dame's Alumni Board. I didn't love all of it. I was lonely for love, companionship, not children just yet.

Or, so I thought.

My 'now' life, the mommy and wife life, was very different from the former. I was now and still am a mother with responsibilities and a wife in a struggling marriage. I am an entrepreneur, an at-home mom at times, a former corporate climber trying to define myself in these new roles and find my old self - the educated, confident woman, daughter, friend, cousin, niece, that made everyone who knew me proud of my accomplishments, including me, and looking forward to more from me.

But, as a reader and magazine junkie looking for a voice like mine, I found very little and none more often than not in my monthly visit to the bookstore to cruise the magazines, or daily or weekly in my online visits to parenting sites and African American sites. There was even little in the Black book craze that was and still is happening. My voice was barely represented in Essence, Black Enterprise or any other major black magazine on a regular basis. And, as I read Child, logged onto ivillage and skimmed other print or online media, I saw very little that looked or sounded like me.

I found myself jonesin' for the May issue of the Black magazines and O to see the issues of moms like me. The rest of the year I was stuck reading a very narrow view of motherhood sprinkled with a little Jada and Tonya Lewis Lee (Spike Lee's wife). Otherwise the moms' views were either white and/or older with much more money than I seemed to see in my bank account to spend on the products advertised. And, there were so many assumptions. The black magazines assumed I was a single mother, never married, divorced or headed that way and working hard with little time for my children. The other parenting magazines assumed I was married and financially well off with the ability to stay home and focus only on my children and needing to find time for intimacy with my husband.

However, my reality was very different from these mothers I read about in the magazines. I am an educated wife that wants to stay married and achieve and maintain a balanced and healthy relationship if at all possible. I am a woman who wants to pursue my personal ambitions passions, love and nurture my children as well as prepare them to become confident, educated independent adults that contribute to society - I refuse to raise another Black boy and girls who don't know love, support or his/her potential and the possibilities . I am working with my husband (or against him depending on when you ask him) to build a generational financial legacy. I want to help my family members out - financially, emotionally and spiritually - if I can and when I can if they deserve it. I want to contributing to the larger African American community with service and philanthropy. I want to reach back to help expose other children -in my family and not - to the all the wonderful, positive opportunities awaiting them when they work hard toward them.

So, I started researching to see how many other mothers there were out there like me. And as I researched to find the numbers to support what I know to be true - African American mothers, moms, mamas are a forced to be reckoned with and we are connecting online and off to give voice, face and words to our opinions, our joys, our challenges, our lives. I found some spaces, places and groups out there for me - online and off.

There's mommytoo.com, mahoganybaby.com online and niaonline.com; national organizations like Jack and Jill and Mocha Moms; more than 60 online groups, like Sistermoms, reaching more than 4000 black moms and a few dads. I won't even get into blogging. There are authors like Kimberly Seals Allers, Lonnae O'Neal Parker and Cecelie Berry

I was in African American parenting heaven when I found out about all of these sources. I found a little bit of everything I wanted in each of them. But, I still felt like it was all so fragmented. I wanted one source that I could go to all the time. And, since the one source wasn't there, I figured my experience with Gwen and my marketing background had prepared me to create it.

And, so we all await this fall for the premiere issue of the 'one source' - Being Family Magazine.

Our mission - Being Family is the premiere African-American Parenting and Family Lifestyle Magazine reflecting a modern perspective on child rearing and family life in our “village.” Our editorial content explores our families, our community, ourselves with depth and breadth. A source of celebration, information, support, inspiration, sharing and affirmation for Black family life. We encourage our readers to live fully in the present while nurturing our future.

Look for us to be online and in your emailbox with daily news that's important to us, in print quarterly with the information you need and showing our beauty and splendor. And in the community every chance we get.

Look for Being Family. Being Seen. Being Heard in '08 in these cities next year:
- Atlanta
- Chicago
- Dallas
- New York
- DC
- Charlotte
- LA

We'll be having fun our way:
African American Family Movie Night
Saturday Fun and Forum (Kids Pavillion and events and parent sessions, information and entertainment.

We'll be discussing our issues:
Our Money and Finances; Our Boys; Our Girls; Family History and Genealogy; Media Images, Music and Entertainment; Our Health: Pregnancy, Eating and Exercise, Mind Body and Soul; Marriage and Relationships; Education; Giving - Time, Talent and Treasure; Family Beauty and Fashion; Work(Career/Passion/Entrepreneurship)/Life/Family Balance; Election '08.

In the meantime, I need your support to spread the word. Send advertisers my way.

Email me to tell me what you want to see covered in our medium, our place, our space. Comment below (click the envelope below - scroll down) or email me.

Rochelle Valsaint
beingfamilyeditors@yahoo.com

Money. Money. Money. Money. Money!

'Handpicked'
- The Mocha Manual to a Fabulous Pregnancy by Kimberly Seals Allers

http://www.mochamanual.com/

- The Mocha Manual Shop (Spend $35 or more at the Mocha Shop by Mother's Day and you're automatically entered to win a baby shower.

http://www.mochamanual.com/motherdetail.cfm

As for the blog, the idea for this week's entry came to me long before the $350 spend at Target on Spring clothes for myself and the growing children or getting paid and watching my check disappear this weekend. I won't itemize the purchases, services and bill payments to the letter.

But just let me tell you, not much of it was outside of necessities - shoes for those same growing children mentioned above, car wash supplies for my nephew to wash my car and his $5 payment - he's 12; payment to have the yard cut (becasue my husband is too busy to do it, which is a digression I wont't even start on. but, I will another day); the hair care supplies for me and my daughter's hair (Once again, I won't be able to afford the products and a visit to the salon I've been wanting to make for more than 2 years now because I always have to choose self-maintenace or Mama's professional background - she owned a hair care salon some years ago - to maintain my relaxer and cuts. And, I have to maintain my daughter's thick yet beautiful mass of spiral curls and waves - some combination of her father's Bahamian-Haitian heritage with my Irish and African heritage (but I did dgress this time); the cell phone bill pyment, Mama's mother's day gift, groceries, gas and more more gas for all of the driving I do.

Sometimes I wonder where the money goes. But when I sit down and retrace my steps, I see it all so clear. So much so that I don't even get to all of the other things, like the curtains for every room in my house - they've been bare for some years now (I rationalize that I like the open feel it gives the house or whatever I need to say to myself to feel better about the fact that there are none); or the rugs needed for the hardwood floors; or the paint the house needs so desparately, the new bed for my son - who at 3 won't sleep in the crib that's in his room anymore. Or, the bedding for my daughter's room and our rooms. The carpet in our lower level of the house that needs to be cleaned. And, all of the other many things that our 50-something year old house needs to make it into this millenium.

All of the needs that come after the school tuition and cable bill that I pay and all the other bills that my husband pays. All of the needs that come before the luxury of renovation, new electronics, the piano lessons and singng lessons I want for my daughter. Or the laptop, stereo system and laptop, personal stylist makeover and photo session I think every Mommi deserves in this job where we forget our beauty.

I am not sure how in line my family's spending is with the latest 'Buying Power Report' http://www.targetmarketnews.com/BuyingPower06.htm which says that Black Consumers have increased spending on lifestyle "necessities" according to Target Market News Or, the BSM Media statisics regarding the spending habits of the "trillion dollar moms" market.

http://www.bsmmedia.com/resources/

But, I do know that I spend a lot. And, I know that it is important to weild the power of that spending as much as I can to:

1. Support Black moms and dads and their businesses - buy from companies featured on Being Family Magazine's "Handpicked" list.

2. Spend consciously, understanding the companies you spend with. Make sure they are supporting something you believein with the billions we are putting in their pockets.

3. Let companies know when products or services are not up to par.

4. Find the best value and don't always assume quality is associted with price.

5. Spend wisely, forego another pair of shoes or another outfit fo your child to save toward bigger dreams - like that international trip for the family to Africa, Spain or wherever you somewhere else outside of this country.

6. Invest in your home when you can.

7. Become philanthropic. This doesn't take big money. Give $50 to an organization. Donate your nearly new stuff to a women's shelter or consign and assign that money to charity.

I challenge you to do the same. Evaluate your spending your money on? Change a few bad habits. You won't believe how a few small changes can impact the quality of your life. You'll feel better about spending. You'll be giving. You'll be getting the best value for your money. And ultimately, you'll have money to save.

Can I get a witness? Tell me what you think!

Your Money and Your Life

Handpicked Company:

Mocha Manual - www.mochamanual.com

The idea for this blog topic came to me long before the $350 spend at Target on Spring clothes for myself and the growing children or getting paid and focusing on my spending this weekend. I won't itemize the purchases, services and bill payments to the letter. But just let me tell you, not much of it was outside of necessities - shoes for those same growing children, car wash supplies for my nephew to wash my car; payment to have the grass cut (becasue my husband is too busy to do it, which is a digression I wont't even start on. but, I will another day); the hair care supplies for my and my daughter's hair (I won't be able to afford the products and a visit to the hairdresser I've been wanting to make for more than 2 years now because I have always chosen self-maintenace or Mama's professional background - she owned a hair care salon some years ago - to maintain my relaxer and cuts as well as my daughter's thick yet beautiful mass of spiral curls and waves, some combination of her father's Bahamian-Haitian heritage with my Irish and African heritage; the cell phone bill, holiday gifts, groceries, gas and more more gas for all of the driving I do.

Sometimes I wonder where the money goes. But when I sit down and retrace my steps, I see it all so clear. So much so that I don't even get to all of the other things, like the curtains for every room in my house - they've been bare for some years now (I rationalize that I like the open feel it gives the house; or, whatever I need to to feel better about the fact that there are none); or the rugs needed for the hardwood floors; or the paint the house needs so desparately, the new bed for my son, who at 3 won't sleep in the crib that's in his room anymore. Or, the bedding for my daughter's and my rooms. The carpet in our lower level of the house that needs to be cleaned. All the many things our 50-something year old house needs to make it into this millenium. All the needs after the school tuition and cable bill that I pay and all the other bills that my husband pays. All of the needs that come before saving for the luxury of renovation, new electronics, the piano lessons and singng lessons I want for my daughter. Or the laptop, stereo system and laptop, personal stylist makeover and photo session I think every Mommi deserves in this job where we forget our beauty.

I am not sure how in line my spending is with the latest 'Buying Power Report' which reports that Black Consumers are increase spending on lifestyle "necessities" according to Target Market News (http://www.targetmarketnews.com/BuyingPower06.htm). Or, the BSM Media statisics regarding the spending habits of the "trillion dollar moms" market (http://www.bsmmedia.com/resources/). But, I do know that I spend a lot. And, I know that it is important to weild the power of that spending as much as I can to:

1. Support Black moms and dads and their businesses - buy from companies featured on Being Family Magazine's "Handpicked" list - Mocha Manual - mochamanual.com


2. Spend consciously, understanding the companies you spend with. Make sure they are supporting something you believein with the billions we are putting in their pockets.


3. Let companies know when products or services are not up to par.


4. Find the best value and don't always assume quality is associted with price.


5. Spend wisely, forego another pair of shoes or another outfit fo your child to save toward bigger dreams - like that international family trip for the to Africa, Spain or wherever you somewhere else outside of this country.


6. Invest in your home when you can.


7. Become philanthropic. This doesn't take big money. Give $50 to an organization. Donate your nearly new stuff to a women's shelter or consign and assign that money to charity.

I challenge you to do the same. Evaluate what you are spending your money on? Change a few bad habits. You won't believe how a few small changes can impact the quality of your life. You'll feel better about spending. You'll be giving. You'll be getting the best value for your money; and ultimately, you'll have money to save!

Can I get a witness?

My Life. My Life. My Life. My Life......(C'mon, You Know the Rest)

In the words of Mary J. Blige, "if you look in my life, you'll see what I see."

This week in my life is the perfect example of why Being Family Magazine exists. It's no coincidence that the tagline is Being You. Being Me. Being Us. Being We.

Does this week resemble anything in your week? I'm sure it does.

Being You.
My husband makes an announcement about some future plans that makes me keenly aware of my status as a "part time" account manager on contract for a local marketing agency. "Part time" is in quotations because I work a full time schedule getting my children to and fro; then making the 45 minute drive each way to work the 20 hour week that ends up being 35 hours some weeks.

The good thing is, although I end up working up to 7 hours in a day sometimes, I can do some of that from home in my pajamas at 5am in the morning (when I am my best). I also have the flexibility to get my Carrie Bradshaw of "Sex and the City" on (my dream job of writer that I am working toward with this magazine) and rework my schedule when necessary to deal with....

my daugther missing two, going on three, days of school this week. Starting with a fever on Wednesday and progressing to "pink eye" last night (Thursday). This means I have had to alter my schedule to get them to my mother (Thank God for Mama!) while at work, Wednesday and Thursday.

Oh, and today I have to make and get to a pediatrician's appointment to get my daugther's pink eye treated.

My 2.11-year old son turns 2.12 or 3-years old this weekend. All I can say is his b-day celebrations are very different than the elaborate shindigs my daughter had in her younger days. Big to-do's with everyone in the family invited has turned to b-day cupcakes at the babysitter.

In my defense, his celebration will carry on over two weekends, including the nuclear family celebration this weekend (another thing for me to plan) and a cake and gifts with our usual family Sunday dinner at Mama's next weekend. So that makes up for the lack of shindig that makes me think he's getting the short end of the stick as the second child.

Being Me.
Daddy's on duty this weekend. He gives me at least one weekend a month , rarely two, when he's on duty and I can plan and do whatever I want. Thank God for that time. Because every other dayof te month with my children is up to me. The "whatever" this month is dinner, drinks and maybe dessert with the Circle of Sisters (Hopefully, it'll be more than me and Brenda since I'm giving the big advance notice of one day). These are supposed to happen monthly. But, we have been lucky to get three to four times a year with scheduling daddy-duty, finding a babysitter and/or finding the funds on budgets that call for everything but a good time sometimes.

But before the fun I have to do an interview with Kimberly Seals Allers (author of the Mocha Manual to a Fabulous Pregnancy), work toward selling ads for the magazine and plan the '08 events for Black families in 6 cities that Being Family Magazine is hosting (look or more details to come soon).

And, that's my passion turned side gig. Let's not even mention the paying gig stuff I have to do. Then, I have to do or get something done to this head. Get these feet, nails and eyebrows DID. And find something to wear that's just the something to remind myself "this is why I'm hot - every bit of my size 20 body. "

Being Us.
This involves that "yet to be planned event" where we spend together time as a nuclear family - before my 'girls night out, of course. At this point in our lives, my husband and I spend most of our time one at a time with the kids (I reiterate, mostly me and the kids with his one, sometimes two, weekends a month on duty). We don't spend much time altogether with his travel schedule and my "need to be alone" time when I do get a chance. The one exception is soccer practice Mondays and soccer Saturdays (when he's in town or doesn't have something else scheduled). Those are the few times we're together as a family in the same place at the same time. And, I am thankful for that.

Our outing is contingent on our "pink eye" doctor's visit. We may not be able to do soccer or a family outing if Gabbi is quarantined away from children for a few days.

Being We.
This week my mind was also occupied with the big election of '08. Barack Obama visited Atlanta last weekend and had the biggest crowd in Atlanta history to come out to see and hear a politician. He's also raising big amounts of money and saying things that sound good to my ears. But, my decision isn't made just yet - because he's black and saying some good things.

I need to know where he, and the other candidates, for that matter, stand on issues that matter to me as a Black woman, mother, wife, working woman, entrepreneur, daughter of an aging mother whose a widow.

How will his candidacy affect my money - taking care of my family, helping my mother and planning for my children's educational cost, our retirement and our ability to build generational wealth. How will his candidacy affect my family's health and healthcare costs. How will his candidacy affect my children's education. How will his candidacy affect opportunities to help me succeed as a business woman and entrepreneur.

And, while these are issues for me personally, I know that these issues resonate with the 8.9 million African American families in this country. And, I want to use the magazine as the forum to formalize our issues; make these issues known; and be vocalize who we plan to support in this election as a result of their answers to our questions. It's time for us to be seen and be heard regarding our issues in '08. We have so much power together. And, it's time we use it.

Who's with me?

These are all the reasons and daily inspirations that Being Family Magazine is the forum for the African American woman interested in acknowledging every part of herself her family and her community.

Can I get a witness?

The Valsaints "Meet the Robinsons" And Love Every Minute of It!

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep
moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps
leading us down new paths.”
- Walt Disney

Parents seem to have a hard time gettng and keeping dates with other gown ups - husbands, boyfriends, girls night out - on their schedules. Well, my almost eight year old has this down to a science. We moms and dads can all take a few pointers on how to make it happen and get something out of it. So take notes and pass it on or feel free to print this and give a copy to any mom in your life that needs some help.

I know what you're thinking, only a mom can multitask and give "how to schedule a date" advice in a movie review. Well, you're right. But, I assure the two are related. Keep reading.

How to Set a Date

I walk into after school to pick her up after a long day of 'account management' and magazine business in between. I am met with "Hi Mommi. Can I go home with Mara? Mommi can we go to the movies with Cassidy this weekend."

All eyes are on me as all of the children, awaiting their parents, look at my face in anticipation of the answer, including the two girls which are previously referred to.

But, I am still quick on my feet. I pull the old "I'll have to talk to their moms. So you need to get their phone numbers." She's quick on the draw. She gets two pieces of scrap paper and has each girl write her number down. In the meantime I am mentally scanning her/my/our busy schedule to see if this is even possible. Is there a party this weekend? What time is the soccer game? I don't know Mara's family that well. Should I let her go without me?

I follow her quick draw with my quick draw, in spite of all these unanswered questions in my head. I call the first number, which she tells me is Mara's number; but, the voice on the machine sounds like Cassidy's mother. I leave a message anyway, telling her that we've been chosen for a movie date to see 'Meet the Robinsons' so we should talk to coordinate the details.

Then, I call Mara's mom to try to work out the Friday details.

Both work out.

Making it to the Date

So there we were on Saturday evening walking into the theater 15 minutes into it. This is after the Friday night play date, which allowed me time to go to Target with just one child and spend $360 on spring clothes ant toiletries. God I need to check the bank balance and justify that spensiture to myself and my husband! (But I digress,) Gabbi, Jonathan, Cassidy, Taylor (I added another child to the mix after a quick arrangement by my girlfriend and I to swap babysitting for two of her children today for a few hours in return for one of mine tomorrow for the Girl Scout meeting I can't make because I am scheduled to be at a Tupperware party. I digress again. But the story of scheduling activities is definitely another story for another day .) and the two moms.

Settling in - after the popcorn, drinks and Sour Patch worms run - to the tune of $19 -and finally catching up to the plot, I find a 'message in the movie' fit for parents and children. We will be buying this one for the movie collection.

Movie Synopsis from - http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/meet_the_robinsons/about.php
Based on William Joyce's beautifully illustrated children's book A DAY WITH WILBUR ROBINSON, this lively computer-animated Disney film follows the adventures of Lewis, a young orphaned inventor who is determined to find his birth mother by using a "memory scanner," a device of his own creation. When Lewis meets a boy from the year 2037 named Wilbur Robinson, they begin a charmingly strange time-traveling journey that involves Wilbur’s eccentric family, bowler hats bent on world domination, song-and-dance frogs, and a frustrated Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Lessons To Parents' Lives

1. Stop spending so much time trying worrying about what you think you should have accomplished by now time in your life. Or where you are supposed to be. You are where you were intended to be at this very moment in your life, according to the purpose of your life - not Oprah, not Jill Scott , not your girlfriend, your neighbor or any other person you compare yourself to.
2. It confirms that you can't do anything from negative motivation and expect a positive outcome. So learn to forgive yourself an others in your life and move toward goodness, out of goodness.
3. Make peace with the fact that you don't have answers to all of the"why's" of your past. " Just keep moving," motivated by good and pure intentions and things will work beautifully for you, your children and many others that you didn't expect to impact.
4. That zany family of yours is the foundation of your and your children's understanding of love, self-confidence success, failure and many other characteristics. So no matter the make-up and personalities, we as Black parents shape the understanding of family and their role in the lives of our little ones, now, and in the future. Shape that understanding carefully and purposefully. Remember you are shaping your children's ideas of thier past, their present and their future.

Lessons To Children's Lives - According To The Children

1. Never say never or I can't. Those are words that show that you don't believe in yourself.
2. Keep trying, even if you are afraid you might not succeed.

So, see I did it. Tied it all together and sent a message all in one fell swoop. I'm a bad mama!

If you've seen it tell me what you think. If you haven't tell me what you think about my take-away.

Disney's New Black Princess Movie Coming 2009 - Finally a Princess for Our Princesses!

Hi All,

Sorry I have been out of touch for so long.
I have been hard at work making the vision a reality for Being Family Magazine.

I happened upon this news if you haven't heard and wanted to share it.

As a Mom of a Black Princess, a New Orleans native whom was once a Black Princess and now a Black goddess, I am ecstatic abut the possibility of this film.

I am getting on the contacts today to get Being Family Magazine a connection with this film to come in 2009.

Here are the details released thus far!

The Frog Princess will introduce the newest Disney princess, Maddy, a young African- American girl living amid the charming elegance and grandeur of the fabled French Quarter. From the heart of Louisiana's mystical bayous and the banks of the mighty Mississippi comes an unforgettable tale of love, enchantment and discovery with a soulful singing crocodile, voodoo spells and Cajun charm at every turn.

They've come up with an original story that is deeply rooted in the fairy tale tradition, and it's filled with great humor, emotion, and musical moments.

Talk to you soon. I promise to update the blog with regular posts.

Let me know if there's something out there you want to see covered in the pages of the magazine!

Rochelle

beingfailyeditors@yahoo.com

Being Family - My Past, My Present My Future

I grew up in New Orleans, a mid-seventies child, the middle daughter of a truck driver father (he's not my biological father, but he's the only daddy I have) and a factory worker turned beauty salon owner mother. My life was and still is full of family.

My memory is filled with large and small family gatherings every weekend starting on Thursday evenings and not ending until sometimes Sunday nights. Last weekend it was Auntie Stephanie and the children (she had 6). This week it’s Cuz (Cousin Lou and Nikki). And interweaved constantly were Ms. Barbara, Aunt Joanie and in later years Cricket (Ms. Joyce), my mother’s best friends.

It was this constant family environment and loving care that allowed me to thrive as a child and set the foundation for my life as an adult. I have fond memories and pictures of me as the nursery school queen at five years old; the spelling bee at the New Orleans Lakefront Arena - my own Akeela and the Bee story. And then, there was the time that my third grade boyfriend, Norbert, gave me ring as we walked home from school. My younger sister, Akia, still teases me because she says she saw him pick it up from the ground and give it to me. And she still laughs when I say that she’s lying. He bought that ring for me, that’s why I treasured it.

There were also some not so fond memories. Like, the near fatal car accident that my mother had that prevented her from being at my sixth grade graduation and many other events because she was afraid to drive. But, they are tempered by my uncle Tommy stepping in to do a trial run of my public transit bus route to my new Junior High School; and, the thrill of doing it by myself on that first day of school.

I had a covering that allowed me to explore life knowing that I had a safety net. I had the confidence to proudly tell my high school boyfriend that if he couldn't love me unless we had sex, he needed to find someone else. I didn’t think he would do it. But, he did. I had the boldness to apply to one of the most prestigious universities in the country in spite of Mr. Applebee’s (my white, male, Catholic English teacher) discouragement . His reasoning was that I certainly I couldn't get into Notre Dame because he hadn’t gotten in when he applied so many years before. But, I digress.

I had almost an arrogance about coming back from academic probation my sophomore year of college. I had obviously messed up and knew that I had to buckle down to stay the course of achieving my Notre Dame education. My academic counselor said my performance was an “enigma,” usually students tanked their freshman year and started to even out their sophomore year. I had done just the opposite. When she said it I had no idea what “enigma” meant; but, since then I have come to embrace the word that means “something hard to explain.”

A short four years after college graduation, the world wind of marriage and motherhood came all at once (I was six months pregnant with my daughter before our wedding). And, I suddenly I had a need to create the same loving and nurturing environment for my children that I had as a child; the same environment that had allowed me to flourish; the same safety net it had provided me.

And, while creating that sense of loving community for my children, I realized that I had a need to create that same community for myself. I now know that creating a community for my children is also creating a support network for my self. Sharing with your friends and family allows you to have a place to go when your husband gets on your nerves, when your children seemed to have turned into little monsters, when you’re not sure how to balance your personal ambitions with that of your responsibility as a mother and wife.

After my daughter was born, we decided that I would stay home. But, after a short while, I realized that I had ambition to be more than a mother. I wanted to leave my mark on the world. I wanted to work toward something that would touch many lives. So, began the search for work to compliment my life and my personal mission of strengthening, celebrating and supporting Black families.

I realized that I wanted to do something that spoke to me as a mom, a wife, Barbara and Johnny’s daughter, as Staci and Akia’s sister, as Shanda, Tonya, Tanya, Tish, Brenda, and Felicia and my Circle of Sisters’ friend, as Kailyn, Jarrid, Alacia’s and Kaiya's aunt, as well as daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, cousin and the host of other titles that I wear within my extended family.

I found that work in what I consider to be a divine series of events that have lead me to be the Founder/Editor in Chief of Being Family Magazine, the premiere African American parenting and family lifestyle publication. And, who better for the job than me, the woman whose whole being is rooted in family?

So, I work toward the Back to School 2007 launch. I finally get to share my testimony with my generation as we nurture the next generation.

And, with any luck all those years in the making of me will contribute to many more strong, beautiful African American families and the stories that come out of them.

Tell me what you think!

Rochelle